A Personal Note

Today I am going to talk about a very touchy subject that some readers may not agree with. The reason I am posting about this subject is because I just found out that a close friend is going to endure the traumatic process. I myself have gone through the same thing just 3 1/2 yrs. ago........DIVORCE!!! I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. It's in my opinion one of the worst trials in life. I can't think of any thing else that could be more traumatic other than having to bury your own child. And that my friends would just do me in. I don't want to even imagine that. Divorce is so bad because sometimes you are helpless and without any voice in the matter. Or at least I was. I didn't have a say so on whether or not this was how I wanted my marriage to be. The reason I didn't was because he had found someone else and wanted to be with her. I was truly devastated. Broken, hurt, deceived and rejected aren't enough good enough words to describe the pain I felt. I was in denial for so long. My family and friends were there for me every step along the way and they literally made me pull myself together and accept what was happening. In fact if it wasn't for them I would probably still be wallowing in my misery today. My BFF, Judi, was my rock. My mom and dad were my sole supporters and as affected and devastated as I was. After all they were loosing what they had called their son for 7 yrs. My sis and bro-in-law were shocked. My daughter was well...how do you explain a 5 yr. olds heart when her father tells her he's leaving(not just once but 3 times. Reason: he wasn't sure what he wanted. Well, he wanted the other woman no doubt he just couldn't deal with Shel begging him to stay). It was absolutely TERRIBLE!! And that's to say the least. I will spare the intimate details but my whole point is that if anyone of my readers has ever even thought about the D word... go get help today, NOW, in fact. Just ask my ex-husband who has openly admitted that the grass isn't greener on the other side. And it's just really not worth it. As you can see you just might get stuck on the other side. I believe the reason divorce is as common as marriage these days is because Satan loves, loves, loves it. He can attack one man or woman and ultimately attack the entire family and those around them. He doesn't have to attack Shelby later on in life because he already has when he took her father from her home. Satan loves to see God's people hurt. He enjoys not letting God's people feel that we were failed by Him. See that's how stupid Satan is. God never failed me by allowing my ex to walk out that door on a cold February morning. He was right there beside me the entire time. God loves us so much he allows us to make choices and sometimes we just make the wrong choice. We all do it. We may not go to the extreme of walking out on our families but we mess up. I don't doubt for one second that I was out of God's will when I married my ex. What I do believe is that He had a will for our lives and my ex just didn't stay in the will of God. I also believe that when we step out of that will He sends someone to fulfill it. (did that make sense?) God has a purpose and a reason for every single thing. It's not ours to understand or explain. It is what it is. Divorce is the most awful thing in the world. You aren't able to mourn your loss and eventually move on with your life. It follows you forever especially if you have kids. Your children will always be affected by your STUPID and SELFISH choice. If you are a victim or are starting the divorce procedures like my friend. Just know there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can start wearing your sunglasses again. The light will shine soon. At the end of it you just might be as lucky as me. You may find that person that God has picked out for you to pick up the pieces of your heart and slowly put it back together all the while gaining your trust and finishing out the will He has planned. God never intended us to raise these babies alone. You will find that special person when the time is right and you are COMPLETELY recovered. The best recovery program out there is Celebrate Recovery. It is a recovery program that covers every need you may have. From divorce to drugs to death. It works and it's a good program. To all the women who are single parents and not by choice, just know you are an amazing woman for just getting out of bed in the mornings. There were days that I didn't want to even get up but I pulled from within and made myself. You girls will survive and just remember you are strong enough to overcome this

P.S. I am not bitter with my ex for what he did and I have completely forgiven for him for what he did. It's a constant forgiveness because of how he acts sometimes but as far as forgiving him for the divorce, that's a done deal. I realized I was only hurting myself by staying angry. Forgiveness is the best medicine. It's hard and it hurts but it's best. Oh, and I love Aaron more because of what I've been through.